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Archive for the ‘making mistakes’ Category

I was always the kid who had to touch the burner to see if it was hot. The only way I’ve ever learned what not to do is by doing it first. And this didn’t change when I came into recovery. I, obviously, stopped doing the most detrimental things to myself but I still fumbled around a lot and acted quite immature. I look back now and am stunned at my naivete back then (and I’m sure this will happen again in the future when I look back to now). I knew so little about life and how to live it.

I worked very hard to trust that things were working out as they should and continue to do this today. This is definitely easier when things are going well, but is just as important (if not more) when things aren’t going well. And what I’ve noticed in my meager years of recovery is that everything is part of building up my life. I had to make the mistakes I did in early recovery to learn that I didn’t want to go that route again. The trick I have to keep in mind is to alter my next adventure so that the same thing doesn’t happen and I touch that burner again. Building up a life that has been all but obliterated is hard, slow, work. I make mistakes today that others my age probably think are ridiculous, but the only way I know they are a wrong turn, is by taking it.

Life has become my little science experiment. When one hypothesis yields a poor result then I have to alter a variable and try it again. I might not get it right that time either, but all I can do is repeat the process until I start getting closer to the goal.

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