Archive for the ‘giving it away to keep it.’ Category

This past weekend my fiancee’s teenage sister came to stay with us. She’s hit a bit of a crisis stage in her life and needed to get away from the craziness of home (we live about 2 hours away). I went and picked her up on Friday and got her talking a bit about what was going on. Turns out her crisis stems from many things that ring true with what I went through as a teen and in my early twenties (though, thank the heavens, she has stayed away from chemicals and hasn’t developed food issues). We talked for the entire ride back to the house. I relayed to her what has happened to me and what little advice I can pass along to her. I also made sure that she knew I am eternally here for her no matter what is going on and that she always has a place with her brother and I.

We spent the weekend hanging around the apartment, mostly just her and I, watching netflix. We didn’t spend much time the rest of the weekend talking about anything “serious.” The goal was to give the poor girl some normalcy.

Saturday night I had the realization that I wanted to give her something to take back home with her to remind her that I am here for her and thinking of her. A treasured necklace I have from my grandma popped into my head but I quickly decided against it. I wore that necklace for nearly 3 years, during some of the darkest days I went through, and it was a source of comfort. Partly because it was my grandma’s but mostly because it was a mustard seed and the bible verse that goes along with it (“If you have faith the size of a mustard seed… nothing will be impossible for you”) helped me hold on when I couldn’t find any other reasons to keep going.

But I couldn’t let it go. The necklace had done so much for me when I needed it and I haven’t worn it for a couple years since things have been better. I knew she would understand the symbolism and I knew she would appreciate the gift… but I struggled with knowing that I was giving away my grandma’s necklace, that something so important to me won’t be mine anymore, and that she may or may not even wear it (or she may lose it).

In the end I gave her the necklace just before she left earlier today. I decided that the necklace had worked its magic for me and now it was time to pay it forward. It was time for someone else to take what they can from it and hopefully someday she can pay it forward to someone else.

I’m not really sure of the point of this post… I’m not sure there’s a grand “recovery lesson” in here, but what I do know is that it made me feel really good to give her the necklace. It was another piece of giving away what I’ve gotten to help others who are struggling. And it was another testament to my ability to let the past be the past. I’ve held onto the necklace because of all the good it brought to me when I needed it. But the truth is, I don’t need it anymore. I have found hope in day-to-day life, so why hold onto it when it could do some good for someone else?

I don’t know. It just seemed like the right thing to do. And if there’s absolutely no other meaning to her, at least I know that she appreciates that I took the time to be with her this weekend and give her something that means a lot to me.; at least I know that she knows I care about her. That makes it worth it. Definitely.


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